4 Reasons to Dominate the Earth

Fast Cars

Like everyone else, every supervillain sees themselves speeding down the highways driving the hottest, fastest car that money can buy. Their hair (antennae, bald scalp, fur, whatever) flying in the wind, without a care in the world.

Unfortunately, due to the world's governments and all the "safety protocols" they have in place, we can't drive as quickly and as recklessly as we would like. You might think this is a bad reason to wish to over throw the current world order, and that NO one would go to all that trouble just to drive as fast as you want. Ladies and gentlemen, we present...the Autobahn.

The German Autobahn has a recommended speed limit of at least 130 km/h (80 mph), though there is no legal speed limit to keep drivers from tear assing through the German countryside.

Even we here at the ISS all agree that Hitler was a complete douche, but we know supervillain reasoning when we see it. Therefore, it's little wonder that the Nazi regime made this one of their major projects when Hitler came to power. Sure, the building of the autobahn created lots of jobs for the German people, but this didn't keep the Nazis from later using slave labor to finish the job.

We'll probably steal this idea and build our own Autobahn when we come to power. However, this one will be built using all slave labor. Namely rich, white, tax evading executives.

Revenge

Who hasn't had someone kick sand in their face? Or perhaps not listen to us, or even blacklist us, because our experiments made mockeries of human life or were perhaps a tad too dangerous? Maybe someone stole your girl/boyfriend? The point is, everyone has someone that we want to grovel at our feet and beg our forgiveness. This would usually precede us vaporizing them and spitting into the ashes of whatever happens to be left.

Well, supervillains are usually supervillains for a reason. We've been ostracized from society, or perhaps we're just people who have been hurt deeply. By the very people we care so much about. We're all just lost babes in the woods who are misunderstood because of our inherent desire to destroy anything and everything that isn't us. Sure, we all wish we could be understood. But, we'll settle for enslaving the unbelievers and razing their homes to the ground. (We're villains.)

Puppies

Everyone loves puppies. They're so cute, lovable, and, most importantly, loyal. Which is why it pisses us off when the government tells us we can't use science to turn our cute, lovable companions into homicidal, vampire like mutants that hunger for human flesh and will attack anyone on our command.

In a perfect world, every supervillain would be able to have a super pet which would keep the Heroes at bay, while also being furry and rather nice to scratch behind the ears while thinking up evil schemes. Face it: Having a superdog would kick ass! Who would fuck with you when you have an evil, drooling, ball of claws and teeth ready and willing to bite people on the niz-uts?

Me: "I believe I'll be taking my Doctorate now, Dr. Fielding."
Them: "But you're not even enrolled! You've never attended a single class!"
Fluffy: GROWLSNARL
Them: "And how would you like your name to read on the certificate, Mr. Rogue?"

Kickass.