Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against Texas, personally. It has that feel to it, ya know? Where men are men, and can work on their own trucks. Where nearly everyone owns a gun, and robbing any given house is like playing Russian roulette with a round in every chamber. They say everything in Texas is bigger. And if it's one thing Texas is known for, it's going to excess.
I've spent quite a bit of time in Texas, and maybe it's because it's such a huge friggin state...it just SEEMS more crap happens there. But this...dayam. I have to warn you, the following is a bit graphic. So, ya know...if you are easily queased out, or were pondering visiting a porn site after reading this blog...you may want to give this one a miss.
As you can see in the above link...and I am not going to mention named or anything, for those who didn't want to read the link... This guy murdered the HELL out of his wife with not one...but TWO chainsaws. How the hell is that even possible? Did one give out, and he reached for another one? Is he ambidextrous? Is he competing in the asshole Olympics?
Pictured:One chainsaw'ed wuss.
Now, before I get a bunch of emails accusing me of taking a horrible situation, and making light of it...let me say this. I find absolutely no humor whatsoever in someone murdering their wife. This is just wrong, dick like behavior. On the other hand...JESUS, two fucking chainsaws? Are you kidding me?
I'm not trying to go off on a tangent here, but there is something very wrong with the world when one chainsaw is just absolutely in no way good enough to murder the hell out of somebody. Look at Scarface. One chainsaw was good enough for them. Nobody stopped when they had Tony Montana and his friend in tied up in the shower and said, "Wait a minute...what the hell? We only have one fucking chainsaw? Shit, this will never work."
Tony Montana is not impressed with one chainsaw.
I think the point I'm trying to make here...and I'm pretty sure there was one before I started this rant...is that if you happen to have someone in Texas who hates you...and I do mean, really, really hates you with the kind of hate that can only be solved with a device that is used to chop down fucking trees...you should probably avoid the shit out of Texas. You'll thank me later.