We here at WUITS just LOVE weird stuff. This could possibly be attributed to the fact that we watched too many Scooby Doo cartoons when we were kids, and were more than a bit disappointed that every single episode not only debunked the ghost, but made us feel stupid for overlooking such obvious clues (no, screw YOU Velma.) So, if you're absolutely insane enough, here's six of the most insanely haunted places on earth. Why not ten? Shut your face, that's why.
1. Gettysburg, Pennsylvania
So, for some reason you have a little traveling money, and feel like you want to go somewhere that not only has historical significance, but is also guaranteed to make you run through underwear faster than an all you can eat Ex-Lax buffet? Well, look no further, kiddies...Gettysburg is the place for you.
Note: Civil War camo sucked.
The site of the most bloody battle of the civil war, there's a legend that says that as the Union soldiers were running out of ammunition, and slowly losing to the advancing confederate forces, the ghost of George Washington himself appeared and told them to go balls out to win the battle. We're not entirely sure how true this part of Gettysburg history is, as a ghost showing up and telling us to quit being a bunch of pansies would inevitably have the opposite, as the collective smell of our crapped pants would almost certainly alert the confederates to our presence.
The whole area surrounding this famous battle still bears it's mark. From bullets lodged in walls, to seared buildings, the history of Gettysburg is still very much alive. There's been many sightings of the otherworldly variety in this area. So, if you feel like trekking around there looking for signs of ghosts, you might also want to be prepared to drag those cannon ball like testes your swingin' across acres and acres of land.
2. Whitechapel, Spittalfields/London's East End
This area of London has actually been settled since at least Roman times, and as a matter of fact, many of the current buildings are built directly on top of Roman ruins. Back in the day, it was the home of prostitution, rowdy brawls, soldiers, sailors...it was basically London's version of the red light district. Basically anything you wanted could be had, for the right price. Coincidentally, it's also the location of the most notorious killstreak in history.
Woohoo! Five kills! Should I get the Sentry gun
or the guided missile?
During the "Autumn of Terror", five prostitutes were murdered by the notorious "Jack the Ripper". While we don't want to go into the gory details of the who's and the why's, lets just suffice it to say that Jack the Ripper was one sick fuck with some serious mommy issues. The mystery surrounding the murder remains unsolved, which leaves us with the head scratcher of how a nation whose law enforcement uses billy clubs rather than guns could have failed to track down a guy who literally did surgery on his victims in public.
These days, visitors can take a walking tour of Whitechapel, and possibly bump into some of it's haunts. Some that have been reported are mysterious black carriage with white horses, that approaches noiselessly and disappears before your eyes, a murderous sea captains ghost, a band of Roman soldiers, and of course...Jack's victims, some showing themselves in various mutilated states. So, you know...all in all, a great location for kicking back and taking it easy. Bring the kids!
3. Eastern State Penitentiary, Pennsylvania
When it was originally built, Eastern State was supposed to be the prototype for over 300 prisons across the nation, and was known as the "most expensive building in the country". In operation from 1829 to 1913, the system was ran under the Quaker belief that total isolation would force the prisoners to "look inside themselves and find God". However, it seemed to mostly have the opposite effect, making a lot of the prisoners go batshit insane.
Exactly like this, but different.
For all but one hour a day, the prisoners were locked in a room with nothing but a bunk, toilet, table and a bible. The only sunlight was a slit in the wall, which was called "the eye of God". And, when the prisoners DID get out of their cells, a black hood was placed over their face so that they couldn't see any of the other prisoners. And, while this drastically cut down on the chances of prison rape...those who were caught trying to communicate with other prisoners in any way faced the harshest of punishments.
Probably not this.
In the 1840's, Charles Dickens visited the prison, and found the conditions to be deplorable. He described the prisoners as being "buried alive", and told of the tortures the inmates faced at the hands of prison officials.
Amazingly, this prison remained open until 1971. And, although it had reformed itself since that time, the problem now consisted of overcrowding and lack of ventilation. So, basically you were put into a cramped cell where you could barely see anything due to the lack of light, but you could tell if someone down the hall farted.
There are lots of ghost stories at Eastern State. One such story involves a locksmith who was removing a 140 year old lock from one of the doors. When he did so, the door flew open, he felt an extremely negative energy...as countless horrifying faces formed on the wall, half formed bodies seemed to move everywhere, and a central form seemed to beckon him. Some believe he had opened some kind of portal to the prisons past. We like to think he got a hint and a half that it was time to get his happy, lock smithering ass out of there.
"Wouldn't ya know...it's get the hell out of here o'clock."
4. Underground Vaults, Edinburgh, Scotland
Rediscovered some time in the mid 1980's, the vaults below Edinburgh's South Bridge were at one time used as cellars, workshops, and residences. However, seeing as it got excessively moist underground (go figure), the vaults were abandoned, and laid mostly forgotten for over two hundred years.
When we say "mostly forgotten", we mean that there was a certain amount of the populace...mostly the homeless derelicts that lived in the area...that had taken to using them. And, whenever you take a huge amount of less than clean, already in questionable health, and not likely to be visiting the doctor at any time soon type people, place them in a small area...most likely, a plague is going to break out and start kicking the shit out of some poor people. There's evidence that a great many of those people actually died in the vaults, and it's highly likely that a few of them were killed to death by other people. So, basically like the above ground society. Except for the fact that there was a higher chance your body would end up being sold to one of the teaching hospitals of Infirmary street by such classy individuals as Burke and Hare.
When stealing your valuables is an afterthought,
you know you're dealing with classy individuals.
This location is said to be extremely haunted. Many visitors to the vaults have obtained bruises, cuts, and on some occasions even been knocked unconscious or experienced extreme nausea or vomiting. Hey, we don't like to judge or anything, but a ghost that can kick your ass until you hurl is pretty bad ass.
Robert "The Ghost" Guerrero.
Pretty Bad Ass.
Pretty Bad Ass.
5. Aokigahara Forest, Japan
When we think of Japan, normally we don't think of strange beasts, monsters, ghosts and goblins...no, wait...actually, we do. And, while it's a bit of a relief to find out that Japan really does live up to our expectations (although we would like to see the ghosts and goblins get into a fight with a giant, kick ass mech), the Aokigahara Forest, which lies at the foot of Mount Fuji, is apparently no laughing matter. Apparently, there are even some unofficial trails through the forest that are used for the annual "body hunt".
"Awwww. How sweet. You found a...knuckle."
The forest has reportedly been a very popular place for suicides since the publication of the Novel Kuroi Jukai (Black Sea of Trees) which ends with the main characters, a pair of lovers, committing suicide in the forest. More than 500 people have lost their lives in the forest since the 1950's, and there's usually at least 30 deaths there annually. Officials have even placed signs around the forest urging those who have come there to kill themselves to seek help.
Of course, all these deaths also mean the chance of running into wandering spirits within the forest. A great many E.V.P's and photo's have been done here, and while most evidence of paranormal activity is inconclusive, there's more than enough evidence to make our junk shrivel at the thought of going camping there. We have to wonder how many of those deaths were suicides, or just regular people who shit themselves to death at the sight of a wandering ghost? Either way...screw that.
Think you can write for WUITS? Then submit your best articles to revrogue@the-iss.com! We're always looking for new talent, though frankly, this is a nonpaying gig...so basically, it's for the prestige of being an interweb published writer! Hey, whats better than being web-famous?
-Rev